And Then I Stepped in Gum . . .

Sunday, August 15, 2004

Over and Over and Over and Over...

One of the worst things about having (admittedly, self-diagnosed) obsessive-compulsive tendencies is the inability to let things go. If something happens that bothers me, it plays itself out over and over in my head -- my brain is like a terrier playing tug-of-war with that particular event. If I make some kind of gaffe, like putting my foot in my mouth or misreading a social cue (for example, going for a hug and an air kiss when someone's sticking their hand out to shake mine), I can't stop thinking about it and feeling embarrassed anew. If someone says something that pisses me off, the phrase repeats itself in my head while my mind teases out what my response should be or should have been. Sometimes sitting down and writing an e-mail response or hashing it out with Dave or my mom can help; sometimes that makes the fight-or-flight response persist. It can't be good for me.

You'd think that there would be an upside to being obsessive. I mean, wouldn't it be great if I were obsessive about keeping my house clean, or getting to the gym every day, or getting all my work done ahead of time? Unfortunately, I haven't figured out the key to choosing one's obsessions and channeling them into some socially acceptable outlet. Instead, I'm obsessive about playing silly computer games and procrastinating and reading when I'm supposed to be sleeping. Thank goodness I've never had to deal with harmful obsessions. Just think what could happen if I ever decided to do something a little pricier than the nickel slots in Vegas. But that wouldn't happen, because I'm obsessive about money, too. So maybe there are some tiny upsides.

Not sure what the point of this post is, except to exorcise some current obsession in a mildly obscure way. I'll see if it helps any.

1 comment(s):

I'm the same way. Can't offer much more than commisseration (even if I can't spell it).


Jen from MM99

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:37 PM  

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