And Then I Stepped in Gum . . .

Reason #327 Why People Who Need Coffee to Function Should Not Have to Make Their Own

Or, Why I Wish I Lived Next to Starbucks

Let's get this straight. I am a coffee drinker. Not out of choice, but out of necessity. I drink coffee for medicinal purposes. With both of my pregnancies, I went to decaf soda and have stayed with that. But when I have to wake up in the morning enough to fix Katie's lunch and get Ian dressed after a night that is interrupted by--and this is only an example--a toddler screaming for an hour and a half straight, I need coffee.

Dave prefers gourmet tea, so I have a one-cup coffeemaker. The process for this device is seemingly simple: scoop beans into little grinder; grind beans (these two steps have only recently been added as I devolve further into coffee snobdom); dump permanent filter from coffeemaker into sink and rinse; replace filter and fill with ground beans; fill coffee cup with water from the fridge; pour water into reservoir; turn machine on.

The conundrum with coffee is that if you need coffee, you're usually not capable of following these steps with the precision that is necessary to actually produce coffee. I have been known to miss one or more of the above listed steps, which results in, decidedly, not-coffee. I've forgotten to pour the coffee grounds into the filter more times than I can count, ending up with a cup of hot water. I've even forgot to replace the filter and just dumped the coffee grounds into the thing that holds the filter, and boy, did that take a while to figure out. But this morning I reached a new low.

As I mentioned, somebody in the household has recently decided that from 4 to 5:30 a.m. is the ideal time to throw uncontrollable screaming fits. This means that all of us are cranky and unrested. This morning, after approximately 4.5 hours of sleep, I got up to make Katie's lunch, and I started my coffee. When I'd finished packing the lunch, I pretty much just collapsed on the couch for a while as the children watched (educational, of course) TV, and I decided I'd just reheat the coffee in the microwave later.

When later arrived, I walked over to the area of the counter where the coffeemaker is. There was the coffee cup. But there was no coffee. In fact, it was totally empty. Hm. I remember pouring the grounds in the machine. I even remember turning the machine on. Where was the coffee? Hey, the cup's not even under the machine. Hey, there's a big puddle everywhere. Hey, that's the coffee!

I couldn't deal with it. I halfheartedly mopped it up and left to take Ian to daycare. I decided to break my vow to make exercise my first priority and I came home to go back to bed. I lay down in my bed, snuggled up with the comforter, and--hey, this is wet. It's wet! The @#*@&#! cat peed in the bed again! Argh!!!

I stripped the bed. I grabbed my pillows. I headed for Katie's bed. I napped.

Any chance this day is going to improve? It can't get worse, can it?

posted by Jennifer Morgan, at 11:10 AM