And Then I Stepped in Gum . . .

Happy Fourth of July

NOTE: I apologize in advance for all the digressing parentheticals. I try to control it, but sometimes it gets away from me.

Seeing as how it's our last Independence Day in the land of the uncivilized a place that doesn't restrict fireworks, Katie and I hit a "fireworks warehouse" today and spent way too much on mini-mortars, including a splurge on "giant flaming balls" launched from a tube that easily rival many professional fireworks displays of my youth. Anyway, I quite enjoyed myself, even though we had to start before it got truly dark because otherwise the kids would be even more of a mess than they currently are as they deal with us packing away all of their stuff! The kids were a bit more timid (leaving Dave and I, pyromaniacs that we are, scratching our heads wondering if they were switched at the hospital), but I think they liked it too. We were all about the gimmicky fireworks -- happy pagoda, climbing panda, racehorses, fire trucks, little tanks -- although we did bottle rockets and small fountains too. We even did a cool parachute guy, and then had to rescue him from the neighbor's yard. It was a good show, and certainly better than braving crowds and traffic for a too-late community show. Next year we'll do that, as in New York you're probably only allowed to hold up a lighter for 15 seconds or something.

Amusing scenes from our family:
(My mom wanted me to post this one.) After the closing (on Friday! Yay!) of the new house, I headed to Home Depot to buy paint and painting supplies, thinking I might get started on the kids' rooms (ha! I was mentally exhausted and ended up crashing on the inflatable mattress under the fan (no AC) for most of the afternoon). I very conscientiously locked the car with the keychain (I drove around with photos and valuables that I'd taken up there in Dave's car for 4 days, about which I was extremely paranoid) and then decided to open the trunk. Pushed the button, no trunk popping up. Darn it! Maybe I can do it manually. Push the unlock button. Nothing. No click. Car still locked. This is where I panic. (Funnily enough, I didn't try the panic button.)

Having been through this before, it only took a minute for me to hypothesize that the battery was dead in the keychain. And fortunately, I was at Home Depot, where they might have that kind of battery. And if they didn't, I did have my cell phone, and I could call AAA, although I'd feel pretty silly and I didn't want to waste that much time waiting for them. Argh! Stupid car! Stupid keychain! Argh!

There was some suspense while I searched for the right type of battery (and struggled to open the keychain in the first place), but HD came through, and they did have it. Whew! Now I don't have to call AAA to get me into the stupid car.

I called Dave that night and managed to work in a rant about his stupid car (which besides the keychain issue had been getting black goo of indeterminate origin all over my hands for the whole trip), and I told him about the events of the locking-out. His reply: "Couldn't you have used the key to unlock the doors?"

Oh. Yeah. Right.

And about Ian: Today the kids were riding their bikes, with helmets (good children!). Ian's bike ride was short-lived, but he kept his helmet on, despite his sweaty boy-head (yes, already, at 2.5 years old). He even came inside with it and kept it on for a while. As he headed out once again, I called to him, "Ian, don't you want to take your helmet off?" "No," he said distractedly, "it protects me from the aliens outside." And he exited. Dave: "Maybe we should line it with aluminum foil."

I laughed so hard I had to sit down. How early do you think they can diagnose paranoid schizophrenia these days?

posted by Jennifer Morgan, at 10:12 PM